Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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