I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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