Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
