and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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