why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
