Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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