i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
