I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
