My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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