Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
