she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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