we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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