Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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