There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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