Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
