why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
