Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
