after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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