I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
