I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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