he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
