It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
