New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
