You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
