i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
