Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
