so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
