In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
