peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
