Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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