Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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