i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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