oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
