i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
