he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
