three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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