I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
