I wish I could punch you in the face.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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