I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
