so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
