you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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