This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
