My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
