I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
