I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
