I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
