85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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