I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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