No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
