Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
