if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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