I hate all girls vehemently.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
