Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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